I don't belong I'm to far down the rabbit hole
by StarSapphireAndHalJordan
Summary: AUish. Pearl doesn't feel the same. Ever since 'that battle' ,as she liked to put it, she has felt depressed, useless, unwanted, doesn't feel like she belongs, and she feels to far down the rabbit hole. She decides to run away because she feels so useless. When she runs into trouble can her friends notice her missing and save her before it's too late? Rated T because of abusie,rape


Ch.1- That Battle.

~Gems H.Q.~

Pearl sat in her room. She felt lonely more than usall. "Pearl? Come on and play some games." Amethyst whinnied. "No Amethyst. I'm trying to read." Pearl replied. "That's why you're so sickly looking. You stay locked in your room all the time!" Amethyst shot back trying to open the locked door. "Maybe I like to be by myself!" Pearl yelled absent mindly. "Gez!" Amethyst yelled back. Pearl lied all the time about her feelings. No one seemed to notice the lies. She hid the scars with her shirt. She knew it was wrong but it took away the pain. Seeing the blood made her happy. She rarly ate. She had anxity. She got panic and asmath attacks, but she pretened to be strong for the others. She hugged her knees closer. Just like she did when she saw her older brother kill her parents. She was only three. It was so long ago but the image burned in her mind like it happened yesterday.

She was snapped out her thoughts as the whole building shoke. She was out the door right away. She ran into Steven in the hallway. He just kept running down the hall. She regained her balance and continued her path down the hall. "A monster is attacking the arcade!" Steven complained. "We'll stop him Steven." Pearl replied. "Can I come?" Steven asked tugging at her skirt. "I'm sorry Steven but it's to dangerous." Pearl replied looking away from Amethyst's cold glare. "Let Steven come for Pete's Sake!" Amethyst complained. Pearl turned to look at Amethyst. "I'm sorry if I don't want Steven to get hurt or worse!" Pearl yelled. Everyone looked at her shocked that she raised her voice. "Fine Steven you can come." Pearl gritted her teeth. They went to the transporter and typed in the arcade.

~The Arcade~

"Steven look out!" Pearl yelled pushing Steven out of the way. Instead of the beam hitting Steven it hit Pearl's back. She groaned in pain, but got back up. "You okay Steven?" Pearl asked using her sword to help her stand up. "I should be asking you that!" He replied going to help her. She just smiled. "I'm okay Steven." She answered standing up. She would recognize the monster anywhere. It was the same one who killed her parents. She charged at the monster's tentacles slicing them off. She still kept an eye on Steven to make sure he was okay for her sanity.

"Pearl look out!" Amethyst yelled using her whip to pull her friend out of harms way. Sadly a tentacle grabbed Pearl's legs. The monster and Amethyst were playing tug of war with Pearl. Sick of being pulled back and forth Pearl removed Amethyst's whip from her waist. The monster tentacle that was pulling her back at the moment flung her into a metal pole. She grunted in pain and could already feel the bruise swelling on her head. She struggled to get back up. She couldn't feel anything below her torso. Steven ran over to help her not paying attention to his surroundings. He was about to be hit with another beam. Pearl ran and pushed him out of the way, again, using herself as shield for Steven. "Steve you need to pay more attention to your surroundings." Pearl reasoned with a weak smile. "Pearl you can't keep protecting me and keep getting hurt like this." He replied in a soft tone. "I'm fine I promise." She lied. She got back up and pulled out another sword from her head.

"Guys look out!" Amethyst screamed. Steven and Pearl didn't notice the huge meteor coming their way. Pearl got up and tried to push Steven out the way. Successeding she barely got away in time. The meteor completely shattered in millions of pecies. A big chunk of rock with some type of gem in it hit Pearl's legs making her fall onto the ground. The meter somehow dystroyed or scared away the monster and everyone gathered around Pearl to make sure she was okay. She got up and wore a weak smile to hide the pain. "I'm fine guys really." She lied again. She felt a great pain in her legs but ignored it. "Pearl is this ruby?" Amethyst asked alarmed holding up the rock that hit Pearl in the legs. Pearl looked at the gem inside the rock. She began to shake it was ruby her brother Ruby was on his way here. "I-it is Ruby." Pearl stuttered. 'No no this can't be happening!' Pearl screamed in her mind. "Pearl who is Ruby?" Steven asked."Ruby is my brother." She replied sadly. She shattered the rock in her hands. Everyone looked at her, except Steven, simpitheticaly knowing what he did to her. "I should've ended this war when I had the chance!" She replied weakly. "What do you mean?" Steven asked. "Long ago after my parents died my brother dicieded that my life wasn't nesescary. He tried to kill me, but only suceded in killing all life on our planet." She felt her self esteem going down. "All my life I've been trying to avenge all the lives he toke. The last time we met I could've avenged everyone, but I hesitated and he got an advantage over me." Pearl could feel tears coming, but blinked them away. Everyone eles could forget their past. Why can't she? They headed home the whole time looking back at Pearl to see if she was okay.

~Gems H.Q~

"Let's fix something to eat!" Steven exclaimed. Everyone agreed except Pearl. She tried to sneak off to her room, but Garnet grabbed her arm pulling her back to the kitchen. Garnet gave her a look that said 'You better eat something.'. Pearl rolled her eyes. Garnet was too protective over Pearl instead of Steven. "Let's order pizza!" Amethyst chirped. Everyone nodded even Pearl, but she just wanted this to be over. She still had some cuts and bruises on her body which hurt like hell. Everything felt swollen. The other Gems and Steven went to watch TV and waited for the pizza to come. Pearl made some excuse and went to train. She needed to practice her fighting to go against her brother. She tried a training simulation and put it on the hardest level, but failed. She tried to lift weights and failed. She was too weak now. She tried lifting the weights again, but when she got it up in the air it fell out of her hands on to her chest/neck area. It knocked the wind out of her leaving her gasping for air. Luckily, Garnet came in to get Pearl for the pizza and helped her get the weight off of her. "Pearl after dinner we need to talk." Garnet stated harshly. "I can't I need to train." Pearl replied just as harsh. "Well to bad." Garnet stated harsher. Then Garnet left the room. Pearl got up and went to 'eat' even though she wasn't hungry.

Pearl grabbed a paper plate and waited her turn to grab some. She was last in the some what line. She grabbed one slice of cheese pizza. Pearl and Garnet sat at the counter, Amethyst sat on the couch, and Steven sat on his bed. They ate in complete silence the only noise was the TV. Steven finished first, Amethyst second, Garnet third, and Pearl fourth she finished last because she ate slow. She didn't want to talk with Garnet or anyone, except Rose, gosh did she miss Rose. Garnet gave her the look that said 'we need to talk.' Pearl knew she couldn't get out of this and headed to her room knowing Garnet would follow her.

~Pearl's Room~

Pearl was hiding in her room again. She had her desk lamp on. She tried to get her mind off things and relax. She jumped when she heard knocking. She got up, unlocked the door, and let Garnet in. Pearl shut and locked the door out of habit. "What do want Garnet?" Pearl asked more harsher than she wanted. "You know very well why I'm here," Garnet started sitting on the bottom bunk of Pearl's bed. "You need to stop acting like you're alone. You need to eat and stop starving yourself. You need to take better care of yourself. Rose wouldn't want you to be doing this." Garnet knew better than to bring up Rose, but she needed to help Pearl out. "Stop it." Was all Pearl said looking down. "Do you know why I'm doing this? Did you bother to ask me if I'm really okay? Did you ever think about me lying about how I felt?" Pearl suddenly bursted out. She sat down at her desk chair. Feeling weak. "No." Garnet sadly replied feeling all little bad. "It's my fault Rose got killed if I didn't hesitate Rose would still be here." Pearl blamed herself for Rose's death. Rose safraficed herself for Pearl. "Then why do this to yourself. You need to get yourself patched up and healed." Garnet stated. Garnet grabbed the other gem's wrist pulling her to the infirmary.

~The Infirmary~

"Let me go." Pearl begged. Garnet set her down and examined the wounds on her friend's tiny body. She checked Pearl's legs first. What she saw made her gasp. "What's wrong?" Pearl asked nervously. "When you were hit in the legs with that rock some of the rubies cut your legs." Garnet gulped. Pearl started shaking this was bad. Being injuried by another gem is deadly. Garnet sighed quietly. Garnet then got up and grabbed some bandages starting to patch up Pearl. "Let me know if this hurts." Garnet demanded. She moved Pearl's arms up and down knowing it hurt as Pearl stifled a groan. She wrapped up Pearl's arms and bandaged up the bruise on Pearl's head. "Now get some sleep." Pearl looked up angrily. "No." She said more than she wanted. "I'm okay. Really." She replied again. She gave a weak smile in reassurance. Garnet sighed as she left the room and turned out the lights.


End file.
